yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
