trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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