HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
