quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
