I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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