Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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