i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
