I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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