the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
