I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Randomize
