Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Randomize
