look no pants
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
