you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
