You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
