I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
