Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
