Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
