Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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