her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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