She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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