ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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