Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
