so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
