Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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