where does the pee come out of this thing
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
