Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
