Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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