I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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