all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize