Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
