Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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