I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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