dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I need to calm my uterus...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
