what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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