oh fat girl friday strikes again...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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