Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
How's work?
Spinning.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
