Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
