Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
The best revenge is premature balding
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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