I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i was born a porn star she said
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
