I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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