oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
