whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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