I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
