last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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