Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
