you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
time to smoke my breakfast
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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