if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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