You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
