I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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