At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
