You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
