I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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