Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
