there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
